Tricks of the Trade

I was a subscriber to Real Simple for years. Loved it. In fact, look in any floor baskets in my house and you'll still find copies from who-knows-when. My favorite issues were always the November and December ones because I love the holidays and especially holiday baking. But I think my biggest draw to the magazine was all the little tips it provided, like the new uses for everyday household items. You would read them and immediately wonder why you didn't come up with the idea yourself because it was so...simple.

Right.

I've felt like my life in the past 24 hours has been an issue of Real Simple, as two "tricks" saved me from totally losing it.

Case Study 1: Sunday. Laundry. Gently washing a HOT white and navy striped dress I wore in the sweltering heat. During the course of wearing said HOT white and navy striped dress, I rubbed my disgusting, sweaty face against the shoulder, leaving my makeup right where you could see it. I washed it twice (and even treated it) and you could still see my Clinique-#2-mineral-powdered-stupidity right where I left it. The Husband suggested olive oil and a toothbrush. Huh?! So, I olive oiled the spot, scrubbed it with his toothbrush (yes, his -- shush, he has a new one), then treated it again with detergent and continued scrubbing, this time in a sink full of cold water. Threw it back in the machine (on the hand wash cycle, naturally) for the third time and HELLO, GORGEOUS! I can now comfortably go back to being the Kate Middleton-inspired Nautical Princess I was always meant to be.

(Basically, if you have an oil-based stain, treat it with more oil...it's that whole "fight fire with fire" concept. And since olive oil is good for everything, that's what I recommend.)

Case Study 2: Apparently you can still get hiccups even when you're 30 but somewhere along they way they've lost their humor and are just annoying. I tried holding my breath. I tried staring at a doorknob, thinking of nothing else. I tried holding my breath while staring at the doorknob. **hiccup** So, I went back to the tried-and-true method from my mother which absolutely works, but you need somebody nearby to help you out. Get a glass of water, hold your nose, close your eyes, and have somebody plug your ears (you know, somebody who doesn't mind actually plugging your ears). Chug the water. Hiccups gone. It's that easy.

So now, if someone could return the awesome favor and tell me how to get dry erase marker off my hands, that would be great, because it looks like I've shaken hands with a family of Smurfs.