Frustrations

I am a public school teacher, and I am frustrated. I am frustrated with the state making cuts and demanding more tests. I am frustrated with focusing on essential knowledge versus essential understandings because last time I checked, learning was essential. I'm frustrated with the amount of pressure I feel at every corner I turn, every day, with every face I see. I am frustrated that I can't leave my job AT my job, that I think about what I need to do when I shower in the morning and before I go to bed at night. I'm frustrated that I feel like I'm no longer doing what I thought I was getting into, which was making students happy when they read. I'm frustrated when I'm surrounded by negativity. I'm frustrated that I'm a completely different person during the school year than I know I REALLY am. I'm frustrated with the coddling we're forced to do. I'm frustrated that failure isn't an option (because it's not for me). I'm frustrated that I'm forced to care about test scores and graduation rates and diploma types when honestly, I don't give a shit about any of that.

I'm there for my students. My students who are crying over boys and girls. My students who are hungry. My students who want to learn, but are faced with difficulties I cannot imagine facing every damn day. My students who want to learn for the sake of learning. My students who are so smart, but can't afford to continue their education. My students from broken homes. My students who see me as one of the only positives in their lives. My students who bring me fresh flowers from their yards. My students who make me laugh so hard I actually cry during class. And yes, even the students who make me wish the bell would ring sooner. They are my priority.

I need to be at my best for them, day in and day out. And when you have all of those frustrations weighing on you, it's hard to be at your best. It's hard to be cheerful or know the perfect thing to say to the student who is having just as bad a day as you are. It's hard when the frivolities get in the way. It's hard when I don't have time to do the work I need to do because I'm forced to do so many other things, to wear so many other hats that I never thought I'd be forced to wear.

The rewards are great. I know I'm in a noble profession. I know I didn't go into this just so I could say I'm in a noble profession. I know I'm not the only teacher who feels this way. But until some serious changes take place in education, a summer off and two weeks at Christmas are not enough of a reward.